The Unintentionally Hilarious vs. The Socially Retarded

I just love unintentionally hilarious people. They are a very interesting specimen. I'm not sure whether to idolize them or sympathize for them. I spend hours of every day thinking of ways to get a five second laugh out of someone. It's worth it. In the world of the unintentionally hilarious person, they can keep people laughing for hours, even when they are no longer present. They don't even have to try, which makes it at least 7.63 times as funny. That's just a rough estimation. Is laughing at/with a person of this genus considered a mockery in God's eyes? When my cluttered mind poses a question of this sort, I often try to put myself inside the shoes of the subject. In this case, even trying to hypothetically be in the shoes of an unintentionally hilarious person is quite difficult. I must keep in mind that I have to keep out of mind the acknowledgment that I am hilarious by my very existence alone. I've realized that it is almost impossible, at my level of mental dexterity, to achieve this. Until that improves, I will just assume that it is not considered (by God) to be a mockery of the unintentionally hilarious, because I feel it is inevitable to laugh. If I discover that this is a mockery, I will immediately refrain from all laughter unless it is consensual. If sympathy is owed to the unintentionally hilarious, I will start, from this very moment, to store all of the little bit of sympathy I have for the entire world and reserve it for these people.

There is another specimen, which many may consider to be identical to the first, but I have known since the moment I obtained linguistic capabilities, that the two are extremely different. This specimen I'm referring to is the population of socially retarded people. These people are not hilarious, not entertaining and I honestly feel that they are the largest threat to humanity and the well-being of the universe. Many of these people are lonely, unless they've paired with another of their kind. What makes these people different from the anti-socialites is that they, despite their deficiencies, love to attempt to socialize. I had an encounter with one of the socially retarded the other day. I won't go into great detail, for I'm slowly attempting to erase the memory from my mind, heart and soul, all of which are still recovering. Many of the socially retarded suffer from a lack of positive attention, which I have theorized to be the cause of their condition. Perhaps their parents were neglectful or were not paying attention to their children's development and/or were overprotective, which caused their social skills to be severely delayed. It's similar to how different a child's fluency will be in a language when you compare a child who has studied the language since the age of 4 to a person who began studying the language during post-adolescence. Anyhow, in my encounter the other day, I was stuck in a conversation with a socially retarded man, about three years older than I. He was friendly, but it was clearly obvious that this man had had no friends... ever. He was asking me about my cellphone. He asked me four questions, one hundred times each. Since his impact has been embedded in my mind for possibly all of eternity, I can quote him to every word of this. About two hours into the conversation, he began to get a little personal and said "Hey. Dave. Maybe we can hang out sometime. You should give me your number. I should get your number. We can go to parties. I don't go to parties, but you look like you go to parties. You go to parties, right? You look like you go to parties. Ha! I knew it. You go to parties." I really enjoyed his shock with his "Ha!" when my facial expression had not changed at all during the entire duration of the conversation. In addition to being socially retarded, I'm safely assuming he also suffers from what I like to call GED (Glance Exchange Delusions). I feel as though I had been mentally raped by this person and I am insistent upon having charges pressed against him. I'll be suing for the amount of twenty-four hours added back to my life. Though I must have lost about three hours of my life from this person, I feel I will need eight hours for every one he stole from me. To a normal person, I could have explained all of what I had explained in less than ten minutes. This man was not uneducated scholastically, nor did he seem to have a scholastic learning disability, but I'm assuming whatever scholarly attributes he had were diluted due to the excitation he underwent after receiving any form of social interaction, a delicacy on his home planet.

I've never had a problem with people taking their time. Just don't take mine. When one takes their time to do something, they at least have the goal of achievement. When one takes my time, I achieve nothing but a new blog posting to write. I am not enjoying this either. If you're reading this and you find yourself having a conversation tomorrow with a guy named Dave and he doesn't smile at all, shut the fuck up, go home and read this again!

TODAY'S SCOREBOARD

UH 1 - SR 0